Am I a Cynic?
Robert W. Holloway #179023
ST. Louis Correctional Facility
8585 N. Croswell Road
ST. Louis, Michigan 48880
DATE: May 23, 2003
Dear Lee
I was given your letter to read by Charlie Goddard #210437 who also locks
on this rock. I have read your letter and would have you to know that it
had me more alert at the end than when I started it. I was told by
Charlie that you are interested in hearing from prisoners that know
the score. Well, just so happens I know it inside and out from first hand
experience the good and the bad. There is no, doubt that prison sucks, but
given the idiots that are housed in here it cari't be any other way.
Ya figure approximately 85% plus actually volunteered to come here due
to their own stupidity. I have heard these clowns cry about having pled
guilty and say they were coerced, well excuse me for being born yesterday
- I just can't buy that worn out song and dance. I Know that I appear
to be cynical and I admit to some degree I am quite cynical when it comes
to dealing with the Michigan prison system and its' brand of prisoners.
The average prisoner I have come in contact with during the 18 years I
have thus far been incarcerated are not only physically lazy but mentally
lazy. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the majority
are here because they were dysfunctional out there on the streets.
Ya know Lee, Ya have the same twisted concept of rehabilitation as the
majority of these clowns in here do, they believe it is something that is
taught. Hell fire it's something ya have to come to terms with in
ya own mind, sort of like the concept of self respect. In other words
ya have to earn it by degrees nothing else. It's as illusive as hens teeth.
When ya get to the point of realizing prison sucks and ya have had
ya fill - then ya: are rehabilitated and only then. But think for
a moment Lee, these guys (most) without question have it better in here
than out there, in here they have became somebody. Yea, that is a hellva
way to look at life, but the truth is the best judge. I see guys every time
I leave my cell that couldn't, no wouldn't be happier any place else.
Prison today is a joke filled with societies' misfits. Ya figure this out
-Where else can a guy "con" his own people into providing him with money
so he can "showboat" to the fellas and at the same time refuse to get a job
because he isn't going to work for the system -hell as long as he can cry
to mama or daddy and they are silly enough to support the bum -he has it
made. No Lee, I have seen the inside games and I wouldn't give ya a penny
for the lot of these worthless pieces of human waste.
There is no doubt that the system needs to be completely overhauled from
the top down, but at the same time changing the system is not going to improve
anything unless ya change the prisoners at the same time. Ya see Lee, as
an old head I have seen things more often ruined by inmates than by the system.
Yes, and as an old head I have accept my share of the blame due to the fact
the idiots that screwed things up weren't butchered instead of ignoring
the scam at the time.
I certainly enjoyed ya letter outlining ya goals. You sound like a down
to earth sort of guy that I might have spoken to should I have known ya when
I was out there. But then I was never in one place to long to get to know
anyone except perhaps the people I worked with or around.
I still stay to myself in here as people scare hell out of me, not so much
as what they can do but because I am well aware of the beast inside my own
head and when ya get it riled it's not going to be easy to sort out right
from wrong. I don't have to prove my stupidity to anyone other than myself
and to many times when I was younger I was more than ready, willing, and
able to go the distance to show anyone I was top dog in the pack. Bad decisions
and choices are made when ya feel ya have to prove ya self to some fool
that isn't even aware that he never stood a chance and ya knew how to bait
him in all the while having him thinking it was his ball game. No Lee, I
been there and done that.
Today I am just an old man waiting for a time to realize the time has come
to move on to the next level. Like ya self death has nothing over me, I
am or will be 57 July 24th and my first possible parole date is 2029. Yea,
I have an earlier date for a possible Governor's pardon coming up in 2010,
but I believe a snowball in hell has a better chance of surviving than my
getting a Governor's pardon. That's the way life is some times. I can't
complain as I see it life has granted me a journey that has been one of a
kind and it's not over yet.
The main reason I have taken this opportunity to write ya is I write poetry
and essays on many different subjects and I think some folks out there might
enjoy them and even find something in them that would be beneficial or just
bring a smile to an. otherwise frowning face. I will enclose a few and ya
can make ya own decision as to whether or not ya feel I will be a positive
contributor in your endeavor. I am at your Service...
Lee, I am quite straightforward and honest in my opinions and fail to see
the use in sugar-coating anything I have to say. In other words I am who
I am and if the rest of the world don't like it they can go to hell. Enough
said in this letter.
Sincerely,
Robert W. Holloway #179023
Robert's Poetry
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